(and not to any particular boy, so don't overwork your imaginations)
What does it say to the world when you have to be reminded to keep your word?
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Updates and non-news
I'm still around, but there's not much to report. Boy never made it back before leaving for a military obligation, though we had tried to set it up. Other boys/friends are supposed to return borrowed equipment any day now.
The bummer news is that I very seriously considered going to IML this year, but about a month ago, I found out I have a family obligation next weekend that will preclude it. It's not like heart-breaking bummer news - I don't go to BDSM conventions much, and I have no boy to take with me this year, but I need a vacation and I was curious about going.
It was never a "contest" - it's kind of like finding out your brother's getting married on Super Bowl weekend when you had a shot at tickets. You go to the wedding and you're glad to go, but you do wonder what would have happened if they'd chosen another date.
(On the other hand, I was not informed of this family obligation until about the day before I purchased my IML plane tickets, so had they waited 3 more days to tell me, I might not be going to see family after all. Family assumes you know things about their schedules. Family is wrong.)
The better news is that there's still a chance, though a remote one, that I can see a boy that I've played with before next weekend anyway. He's the one I described as "smart, open about his BDSM heart without letting it control his life, willing to try scary new things with a trusted partner, and unafraid to face his nature without blinking" way back in this post. The distance I have to travel for the family obligation is about halfway to where he and his husband/master/lover live, so we're exploring the chances of getting together.
It's not at all certain, since they're naturally reluctant to submit to an "outsider" in their own home, and I heartily approve of such caution. I think it was Larry Townsend who set the #1 rule of BDSM as "Don't let anyone you don't trust implicitly tie you up in your own home." It's stuck with me forever. I tend to phrase it in my own mind as "If you wouldn't give them a key to your house, don't let them tie you up there without an extremely safe backup plan."
I know that in some cases (or, like here, in some locales), traveling to submit isn't always possible. I think you can play safely as sub in your own home, but only if you add backups like safe calls to friends, check-ins from sympathetic friends, or even some significant restriction on the dom. (One idea: locking the dom's wallet, car keys, return plane tickets, or whatever else he needs to leave in a safe to which he does not have the combination. This, obviously, would not rule out extreme malice, but could work for a partner you trust. Never ever ever ever get tied up in your own home by anyone you don't know backwards and forwards.)
So, yeah, we're not sure if that can work out at all, and since it's just the rules and nothing personal, I harbor no ill-will if it doesn't happen. "No" is a perfectly fair answer, though I'd definitely prefer "yes." :-)
Other than that, not a lot going on here. Oh, one more thing, if you're following the saga of me: back in this post, I talked about a former club-kid boy who had spoken to me for 3+ years only to cut me off after he'd gotten everything he wanted from me. I heard from him about a month ago, for the first time since about a month before that post. I didn't even know who it was at first - he'd changed screen names yet again and hadn't told me the new one, since he hadn't spoken to me in two months before that date.
He'd had some kind of medical procedure done, and apparently felt that being loopy on the drugs gave him enough "courage" for him to tell me that he wanted me to apologize to him. He felt it was unfair that when he told me not to talk to him about BDSM anymore, and when he said he didn't intend to come back here in person to return the things he'd borrowed, that he could just mail them back which was always the backup plan anyway. He felt he had been very magnanimous to "let me" do some BDSM initiation tasks for him on behalf of his new master, and that when he decided not to talk to me about a primary topic of our friendship anymore, I was "rude" to not just go along with that and help him with whatever else he needed.
He said he was hurt. I said "join the club." He couldn't imagine how I could be hurt. I pointed him to the story. He said, "Well, I tried." I said, "Yeah, don't read it or anything." He went to read it.
Five minutes later, he said "OMG." He said he never meant to hurt me or make me feel used. He said he was crying and had to go. I said, "It's not my intention to make you cry," but he had already logged off.
I haven't seen him online since.
The bummer news is that I very seriously considered going to IML this year, but about a month ago, I found out I have a family obligation next weekend that will preclude it. It's not like heart-breaking bummer news - I don't go to BDSM conventions much, and I have no boy to take with me this year, but I need a vacation and I was curious about going.
It was never a "contest" - it's kind of like finding out your brother's getting married on Super Bowl weekend when you had a shot at tickets. You go to the wedding and you're glad to go, but you do wonder what would have happened if they'd chosen another date.
(On the other hand, I was not informed of this family obligation until about the day before I purchased my IML plane tickets, so had they waited 3 more days to tell me, I might not be going to see family after all. Family assumes you know things about their schedules. Family is wrong.)
The better news is that there's still a chance, though a remote one, that I can see a boy that I've played with before next weekend anyway. He's the one I described as "smart, open about his BDSM heart without letting it control his life, willing to try scary new things with a trusted partner, and unafraid to face his nature without blinking" way back in this post. The distance I have to travel for the family obligation is about halfway to where he and his husband/master/lover live, so we're exploring the chances of getting together.
It's not at all certain, since they're naturally reluctant to submit to an "outsider" in their own home, and I heartily approve of such caution. I think it was Larry Townsend who set the #1 rule of BDSM as "Don't let anyone you don't trust implicitly tie you up in your own home." It's stuck with me forever. I tend to phrase it in my own mind as "If you wouldn't give them a key to your house, don't let them tie you up there without an extremely safe backup plan."
I know that in some cases (or, like here, in some locales), traveling to submit isn't always possible. I think you can play safely as sub in your own home, but only if you add backups like safe calls to friends, check-ins from sympathetic friends, or even some significant restriction on the dom. (One idea: locking the dom's wallet, car keys, return plane tickets, or whatever else he needs to leave in a safe to which he does not have the combination. This, obviously, would not rule out extreme malice, but could work for a partner you trust. Never ever ever ever get tied up in your own home by anyone you don't know backwards and forwards.)
So, yeah, we're not sure if that can work out at all, and since it's just the rules and nothing personal, I harbor no ill-will if it doesn't happen. "No" is a perfectly fair answer, though I'd definitely prefer "yes." :-)
Other than that, not a lot going on here. Oh, one more thing, if you're following the saga of me: back in this post, I talked about a former club-kid boy who had spoken to me for 3+ years only to cut me off after he'd gotten everything he wanted from me. I heard from him about a month ago, for the first time since about a month before that post. I didn't even know who it was at first - he'd changed screen names yet again and hadn't told me the new one, since he hadn't spoken to me in two months before that date.
He'd had some kind of medical procedure done, and apparently felt that being loopy on the drugs gave him enough "courage" for him to tell me that he wanted me to apologize to him. He felt it was unfair that when he told me not to talk to him about BDSM anymore, and when he said he didn't intend to come back here in person to return the things he'd borrowed, that he could just mail them back which was always the backup plan anyway. He felt he had been very magnanimous to "let me" do some BDSM initiation tasks for him on behalf of his new master, and that when he decided not to talk to me about a primary topic of our friendship anymore, I was "rude" to not just go along with that and help him with whatever else he needed.
He said he was hurt. I said "join the club." He couldn't imagine how I could be hurt. I pointed him to the story. He said, "Well, I tried." I said, "Yeah, don't read it or anything." He went to read it.
Five minutes later, he said "OMG." He said he never meant to hurt me or make me feel used. He said he was crying and had to go. I said, "It's not my intention to make you cry," but he had already logged off.
I haven't seen him online since.
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