A couple of clarifications

Since I've heard a few things from people since the last post, let's make a couple of things clearer.

• I haven't abandoned the internets; I'm just not hanging out in chat. I still get and send E-mail, read news, all that fun stuff. I even write blog posts, see? I've just given up on the idea that introducing myself to guys on most chat services and believing that their genuine is worth my time.



• You may still see me "online" from time to time, but probably not chatting. I still have a gay.com premium membership, and whenever I'm on there to read news or use other features, I understand it says I'm "online." I also understand you can't chat with me that way, though. I have to pop on from time to time to take care of various things or send messages that I couldn't send before I gave up on the vapid chatness.

And, by the way, if you idiots were more interested in actually conversing than in this stupid "ha ha, I saw you online" gotcha crap, maybe it would have been worth talking to you. Morons.

Signing out.

I noted last time that it's been more than two years since I went into a public chat room on gay.com, and that I don't miss it. I have, however, continued to use gay.com, as well as AIM, Yahoo, and MSN for private messages.

I might as well have been beating my face with a rock. It would have been less painful and taken less time.

I have real and true friends that I've met through gay.com and other IM services, but they're a tiny, tiny minority of those to whom I chat. Most of them are "fakes or flakes," to use an old cliché that normally I would despise, but I have nothing better. Guys who play here refuse to admit that they know me. Half the guys who chat are nothing but picture trolls. They won't help their own friends (and I mean guys other than me) if it's inconvenient or cracks their closet open even slightly.

About a year ago, I wrote about a local boy whom I called "Boy." He was collared and in chastity both by my wishes and his own request. That had to end because of external obligations, but he had an infection I couldn't be around at the time the devices had to come off, so I had to ask someone else to go remove the collar and chastity device from him. I haven't seen him since, tho I've chatted with him often. Last fall, I had to check him because he had talked about coming out here to play ten separate times, and yet every time it managed not to happen at the last minute for some reason, ranging from similar external obligations to skipping out on a scheduled play session because, 3 hours before, "I just didn't feel like it."

Even with this, he's talked about wanting long-term (6-9 months) chastity before - it's only that he "can't" do it. He can't do his work or meet external obligations if he's in a CB-3000, he said - too many risks, too uncomfortable for his work and exercise, etc.

Saturday night, in chat, he idly mentioned that he's "in talks" to enter long-term chastity. With another dom. Using a much heavier, much less comfortable device. So, like so many other things, it turns out he actually can do it - just not with me.

And that's just it for me. That's the last straw. I'm tired of talking to guys and feeling bad when the chat ends, so bad that I wish I'd never started it in the first place. I'm tired of realizing I can't trust anyone online.

I've been talking with an extremely sweet local college boy who wants to be a slave. For the most part, it's been wonderful. I really like him and think that he likes me as well - that he likes me and not just the idea of sex in bondage, which is 99% of what I get from guys online. But he's newly out and very scared of it, and right now may not be his time for submission. After the way everyone else has turned out in the past few months, I'm pretty sure that if this is not his time, and I find out after 2-3 sessions, I would not be able to handle it. On top of everything else, that would push me over the edge.

So I'm out. I cleaned out the gay.com profile, and I'm offline there and on the other IM services until further notice. I'm not saying how long, but we're not talking a break of a few days. With a few exceptions (and you know who you are because I've talked to you today or you're a big goofball from an island somewhere far away), you people bring me nothing but pain and misery. While that just may be a hobby for you while you're in your land of self-absorption, it hurts me, and I'm not signing up for any more of it.

See ya around.

Why believing chat boys is a bad idea

So I get up this morning after 5 hrs sleep because my schedule is fucked. I put the spare computer on gay.com to see if any friends are there, and I see a new name, "Billy_The_kid_".

I click on the guy's pic, and he's 18 and looking cocky, and his bio line says "I've two six guns, meaning I can take 12 of you trolls out that bother me. Who'll be first?" Aside from the attitude and adverb problems, he lists his location as "Cheesecake Factory." So now, despite the warning signs, I'm interested for a few reasons:

• My late grandmother, a noted nutcase, insisted we were related to William Bonney (Billy the Kid). Or maybe it was Jesse James; I sometimes don't remember which parts of her nuttiness were toasted and which were plain.



• The actual restaurant chain, The Cheesecake Factory, just opened its first restaurant in my area a few months ago. They always have long lines because they have a huge menu of creative entrees (and a lot of cheesecake). The chain's slogan is "Something for Everyone!" This is not true - there's nothing for me. I have dietary restrictions (unrelated to weight, in case you're wondering), and I can't eat very much of a common dietary element or, well, I might die. You can think of it like a nut allergy if you want - it's not, but it's similar. I won't die instantly if I eat any of it, but if I eat too much of it, it's bad news. Ain't no cheesecake on earth worth that.
  
  I have to know how much of this common ingredient is in food or I can't eat it, but The Cheesecake Factory refuses to disclose nutritional information, saying only that they "use only the freshest and finest ingredients available." Fresh poisons are still poisons.
  
  I don't expect the cheesecake to be low-fat, but I have to know how much of my sensitivity ingredient is in anything before I eat it. If his location of "Cheesecake Factory" is real, meaning he works at the restaurant, I wanted to put that bug in his ear.



• Even if it wasn't real, and if it had anything to do with actual cheesecake, at the time I sent the message, the brand-new 2007 season of America's Test Kitchen was starting on the local public TV station. It's from the editor's of Cook's Illustrated magazine (possibly the best food magazine around), and the subject of this 2007 premiere was - low-fat cheesecake. Just seemed like too much of a coincidence not to mention if the location had anything to do with actual cheesecake, and didn't mean "cheesecake" in the slang sense of "I'm hot shit and I know it and I'm better than you because of it."

Of course, it was the last one that he meant. Here's a complete transcript of the chat:

[10:37 AM] [Buzzer1] cheesecake factory? really?

[10:37 AM] [billy_the_kid_] Sorry : I am busy or away



[10:45 AM] [billy_the_kid_] get lost you porker ass freak

You have to wonder how much of a rich and complex world fools like this guy miss because all he thinks about is how undeserving other people are of seeing his cock.

As of this weekend, it's been two years since I went into a public gay.com chat room, and it's not hard to see why I don't miss it in the slightest.