More than once in this young year, a local boy has told me in chat that other people (either "everyone else" or someone in particular) thinks of him as a "slut." (The first case was even worse, when he said "everyone says I'm just a worthless slut.")
Of course this sets my teeth on edge. Here's a definition from a feminist site that seems about right to me:
The sexually charged nature of abortion leads to what I like to call the "slut is someone who's had two more partners than me" principle. I came up with that rule in college when I noticed a lot of women were obsessed with their "number" and defining who was and wasn't a slut, and since a slut is always someone else, most women's rule for what constituted "too many" partners was always about two more than they had. It's how women reconcile their self-esteem under the patriarchal regime of female sexuality where you're damned if you do (slut) and damned if you don't (prude). You agree to the rule that having a sex life is somehow despicable, but only if it's somehow more than yours in some way.
Wikipedia says:
Slut has also been reclaimed as a slang term in the BDSM, polyamorous and gay and bisexual communities. It may be used by the person concerned as an expression of pride in their status, or as an expression of enviousness in the "success rate" of others.
So, in much the same way that gay men can call each other "fags" but outsiders shouldn't, a guy can call himself a "slut" to express pride in his sex-positive life. But that's not what's happening here. It's more like the earlier "a slut is someone else" rule.
The term seems to have become an insult to describe women who were immoral enough to actually have sex and like it, and not have the "decency" to hide it. There's still way too much ancient sexual politics mixed up in this, because you almost never hear a top referred to as a "slut." Just bottoms. It's similar to how straight men who like sex are "pussy hounds" but straight women who like sex are "sluts" or "whores."
In the local gay community, a "slut" appears to be a bottom who is either having more sex than you, or sex with guys who won't sleep with you, or sex with guys you wouldn't sleep with. It escapes me how someone calling someone else a "slut" can think that it makes the other guy look bad instead of himself.
Sex is good. Sex is part of our very being. It would probably be a bad thing if someone was having lots and lots of sex not because he enjoyed it, but because he felt it was the only thing he was good at, or the only way to make friends or be accepted.
But, of course, that's not what we're talking about here, either. We're talking about guys who have sex and enjoy it, and other guys who think there's something wrong with that and try to make them feel bad for it.
It says a lot more about the person using the word than the person it's aimed at.
