Of course, you probably noticed that, if you’re still reading.
There’s a simple reason. The tag line when I started the blog was “a gay, dominant leather man living on my own in the American Southwest,” and that’s not really the case. I’ve owned a boy for nearly a year, and he was (voluntarily, platonically) collared before that. He’s been collared for over a year.
Most things aren’t all that different, oddly enough: he’s attending school far away, but he’s been here twice for about a week each time, and both times were among the happiest times I’ve had in the past decade, even though he still has long hair (despite this). I actually kind of like his hair, as odd as some of you may think that is. (Deal with it.)
But we chat every day, we talk most days, and I no longer feel like I’m alone, or “on my own.” I miss him terribly when he’s not here, which is 95% of the time. He has several issues on his own, none of which seem related to me, but I make him happy and few other people seem able to do that. He thinks he’s a mess, but I think (as does everyone I know) that he’s a catch. I feel quite lucky.
So I don’t need to vent frustrations here as often, though I still have them, largely because the puppy isn’t here all that often (and make no mistake, I believe he should be in school where he is; it’s the best choice for him by far). He gets to play with permission; I don’t keep him locked in his CB-3000 because one ring is too big and the next ring is so small that it gives him kicked-in-the-nuts pain after a few hours, which is not my intent.
I still chat on gay.com, but as before, most younger guys who express a BDSM interest simply refuse to respond to “hello.” I usually set my chat status to “Not Looking” so guys will know I’m not looking to pick them up, but I continue to get messages from subs (usually older than me) who can’t figure that out. That’s a bummer.
There aren’t a lot of local guys to talk to about BDSM things, too. I have a couple of BDSM friends, but I rarely see them. I really wanted one of them to meet the puppy, but he’s been out of town during both of the boy’s visits. (He’s a good friend—he wore a collar of mine briefly a few years ago.) The other one has flaked in and out over the years, and is currently mostly flaked in, but didn’t flake quite “in” enough to meet the puppy. He runs pretty hot and cold, which can be frustrating when I want to talk about things, but that’s not something I can control.
I love talking about everything with the boy, but he’s new and doesn’t have as much experience. On the bright side, most of the things we try, he likes, and how could that not make an owner smile?
I want to say something like “I can’t imagine my life without him,” but of course that’s not true—I was on my own for a really long time, so it’s pretty easy to visualize what that was like. But everything is immeasurably richer because he’s part of my life. I just wish I could abuse him more often in the ways that he likes and needs.
