In addition to being busy with real-world stuff, I've left this blog kind of idle because I haven't been searching much of late. My wonderful boy who lives 800 miles away has now been collared for over two solid years—in all that time, the collar has not come off his neck even once. He is handsome, smart, witty, passionate, sexy, and so completely devoted to me that I normally call him "puppy" even though we do nothing like traditional "puppy play." I've been very blessed to own him and to continue to own him.
And he is transgendered.
This came as a surprise to both of us. He had talked about it some in 2009, but on his last visit here (in the winter), he said that he was sure he was going to go through hormone replacement therapy (HRT). It's not clear to me (and maybe not to him, but maybe I'm just blocking some of this out) whether he will be living as a woman or how strong the female secondary sex characteristics will be. He does not anticipate any kind of sexual reassignment surgery (ever), though.
It was a traumatic thing for me to hear, and that was a surprise to him. He is (and always has been) bisexual, but I am just gay. The more female he becomes, the less attracted I will be. I remember thinking at times that this must be what it's like for straight married couples when one of them comes out of the closet. One person in the relationship did not come out, and he or she is still sexually attracted to his or her spouse, but the spouse starts moving further and further away.
And it's even harder, because he still finds a fulfilling relationship with me (and was never that sexually attracted to me anyway, but loves me to the point where that doesn't matter). Naturally, I feel like a heel when he can see the relationship staying the same when he's a girl, but I (being gay) cannot. He is so wonderful that he wants to visit again even though he knows that despite his burgeoning feminine side, I'm reasonably likely to shave his head as my slave. How could one ask for more than that?
If his transition doesn't develop a huge number of the secondary sex characteristics that tell the lizard sexuality part of my brain "that's a woman" instead of "that's your puppy," I think the relationship can be largely unchanged. But if they do—like most gay people, I have the same revulsion towards the "wrong" gender that straight people do to gay activity. And it kills me a little inside just to use the word "revulsion" in a paragraph about my slave puppy. I hate the uncertainty, and he does too.
Some things, however, are pretty easy. There is a bond between us that gender lines cannot break. He is my puppy, and regardless of sexual characteristics or gender, he will always be my puppy. As long as he obeys me and recognizes me as his owner, I am proud for him to wear my collar and hope he never, ever removes it.
There's a Mary Chapin Carpenter song whose refrain says "Whatever the calling / the stumbling and falling / we follow it knowing there's no other way." This is his path, and he must follow it even if it leads away from me. It makes us both sad at times, but we both know without any doubt that to ignore the path would be far, far greater a sin. How many submissives never become slaves because they refuse to follow their path? It's also wrong to ignore the path when it points in a direction we'd rather not travel. Your path is yours, wherever it leads, and I love him for following it wherever it goes.
