An odd thing happened recently.

I collared a boy.

I was not expecting this in any way. I had seen the boy's profile online, on one of the bazillion services trying to sell ads or subscriptions around gay and BDSM people's desires to find each other, and had made a mental note to chat with him if I saw him online. I did, earlier this month, and I liked what I heard. So much so that I invited him to play.

(One of the million differences between BDSM and not: vanilla guys tend to think that normal flirting and talking about sex means that you want in their pants. The A&F crowd, specifically, seems to think that an instant message containing "hello" always means "I want to jump your bones." I've been shocked more than once to learn that a guy I was just having a nice, normal conversation with thought I wanted him naked. They think very highly of themselves.)

I don't invite many people to play, and because of my location and my strict insistence on safety (no drugs, no booze, Larry Townsend bondage rules), the fear of submission in general, and the fact that I'm not Brad Pitt, most of those who are invited never actually show up, much less get into the playroom. That's fine. I don't mind being picky. But after talking with this boy for a week or so, I had invited him to come find out more about himself here. He'd wanted to sub for a long time, and he liked what I described. A couple of weeks ago, he arrived as ordered for his first real BDSM session.

About four hours into it, I collared him - a 24/7 collar that he's still wearing, even though he's back in his normal environment. He knew that was what it was when I brought it out, and he knew he'd be wearing it until I said otherwise. He simply bowed his head so it could be locked on him.

I wasn't expecting this at all. We both know it's not going to turn into a 24/7 or live-in arrangement - his life changes in the summer and it's not clear what happens after that, and mine is its usual hectic self. He'll be doing well to make it out here once a week for training and relief (by my order and his wish, he's now celibate when not here).

He's a little bit younger than my usual lower limit for boys (don't worry, he's still well within societal limits, and although I don't let him drink before he comes here, he can apparently consume half his body weight in beer without blinking), but he's proven to be smart, eager to learn about himself, eager to live out what he once thought couldn't happen, and willing to see how it is to live with that. He's quite the looker, too, although that's less important to me than a good heart. (I'm luckier to look at him than he is to look at me, though. That's a slave's lot in life.)

There are times he's wanted to take off the collar (which looks more like jewelry to the uninitiated), but he can't, and people have seen it. He's had to make do. He realizes already how often he would have removed it if he could have, and that he's glad he can't remove it so he can figure out what being a sub is like outside the playroom.

There are other sub boys in the area, and I'm very proud to call some of them "boy" and even prouder to call them "friend," but they know they have issues with the things they like. The thought of wearing a collar 24/7 really turns them on at times, but at other times they'd do just about anything to remove it, and those demons of conformity drown out the better angels who urge them to be patient and true to themselves. The new boy doesn't know where all this will lead him, but if he winds up collared for several months to find out, he'll rub the collar with his fingers and smile that it's on his neck.

It's been about four years since I met the last boy who was smart, open about his BDSM heart without letting it control his life, willing to try scary new things with a trusted partner, and unafraid to face his nature without blinking. He lived in another state, so he couldn't visit often, and he thinks we had less in common than we do (I never cared that all his opinions about technology are wrong), but he shone a great ray of light into my house when I was ready to become a hermit. He's engaged to another great guy of his own now, whom I've met, and I still talk to him regularly (and sometimes help him with some ideas, and vice-versa - he's a devious boy).

I wasn't looking for him when I found him, and I wasn't really looking for this new boy, either, but we've found each other. It's serious but not permanent, it's important but not life-wrecking. It's good to again hear and see a boy getting what he needs and knowing that's what's happening.

Neither of us knows when I'll unlock him. He's coming out tomorrow, and we're both looking forward to it. Some things that might happen scare him, and he's not sure he's up to earning some of the rewards he covets. Even though I know he won't be mine forever, I don't feel rushed with him. He knows some of what he needs and is thankful someone who understands that has found him.

I don't know where this will take us. He is happy to wear my collar and I'm happy that he wears it. I like him quite a bit.

Blogging light

Been occupied with other stuff, including some fun BDSM theory based on random chance (well, fun to me, at least). I'll eventually get around to being less cantankerous on here.

Talking to me

I usually keep a second computer available while I work for tasks I don't want to do on my main computer, so I'm "online" much of the day - primarily on AIM, but also on gay.com, MSN, and Yahoo much of the time.

I don't put the screen names in the gay.com profile to avoid getting IM spam. Every now and then, I'll change AIM so that only people on my buddy list can see I'm online, but I keep a very small buddy list. Basically, if I tried to chat with you and you weren't very responsive, I take you off the buddy list so I don't [waste my time|bother you] (take your pick). If you then chat with me and become talkative later, I usually put you back on the buddy list.

When I shift to letting only buddies see me on AIM, though, it means those who weren't talkative lately won't see me at all. Gay.com is another story - since it is so full of assholes and self-important twinks, people who piss me off there go on the block list. They can see I'm online by my profile, but when they try to send me a private message, they get back a response telling them they don't get to do that, and I never see the message. Too bad for them.

People tend to think I'm not on gay.com because I don't go in public rooms. I haven't been in a public room in nearly a year, and currently have no plans to go back in one. Too much drama, too many pretty boys assuming everyone wants them, too many assumptions that I must want X or be like Y or demand without being asked.

So, yeah, I stopped wasting time there. :-)

But if you want to talk to me, just send me a message by name on gay.com, or drop me a note. If I know who you are, I'll get in touch. If I don't know you, explain why we should chat. Don't just assume I want you. (To my knowledge, as of this writing, I do not know and have never spoken with any of the people who have me on their "Hot Lists" on gay.com. I get these buddy requests from people who've never even said "boo" to me and they wonder why I don't add them as my validated friends. Yeesh.)