Immaturity in action

When I point out the flaws of "college-age boys" on this blog, I don't mean all boys between 18-22. Many of those are fine, intelligent, serious people with valid questions, a need for exploration, and a desire to be reliable.

The problem, though, is that many more are not.

I chatted two or three times with a semi-local (in-state, but not too close to me) boy whose gay.com profile indicated and interest in BDSM. It was fine to talk to him—he mostly seemed to want someone to top him immediately, but he had a valid interest and seemed somewhat serious in his pursuits.

The third time we chatted, he didn't remember who I was, and wanted me to explain everything all over again. I thought this odd, but I did it.

The fourth time, just a couple of days later, he didn't remember me at all again, and once again demanded that I explain everything, including typing the things in my various profiles, re-answering a ton of questions, etc. This time I declined, and in the public Oklahoma City room, he told me to fuck off. He, the young heartthrob, couldn't be bothered to remember someone as inconsequential and undeserving as me, and if I wasn't willing to embrace his unwillingness to show me the respect of remembering little details like, you know, that we'd talked for hours several times, then I could just do without his august presence.

Fine with me.

That's usually where such stories would end. However, a few weeks later, this guy sends me a private message out of the blue, wanting to know how I am, etc. I'm confused by this, given the last public conversation.

Unsurprisingly, he doesn't seem to remember.

I remind him. He gets mad very quickly. In short, he said, "Dude, I was HIGH! That's why I didn't remember you!" He did not say at the time that he was high, or I wouldn't have been chatting with him that day at all. (People in BDSM scenes must be sober. It's a safety rule. No exceptions.)

Now, which do you think would be the correct, appropriate, human way for him to continue that explanation:

• "I'm sorry if I pissed you off, and I'll try not to do it again, if we can talk some more," or



• "That was weeks ago! You're the one who's immature if you haven't gotten over that yet! I can't believe you'd still be mad about that! Fuck you! You don't deserve an apology!"

Now, if you haven't already, guess which response I got.

Another fake clue

I've mentioned problems with online BDSM chat before (like here, here, and here, for example), so I've made a new category for them.

And to break it in, here's another post about how you can tell someone on gay.com is very probably a fake:

My computer is bad so I can't read your profile.

Sorry, boys, but this is bullshit. If you can get gay.com's insane Java-based chat app working, you can read profiles. If you have enough know-how to use a third-party chat client, you can read profiles. Maybe clicking on what looks like a link doesn't bring up someone's profile, but you can find any profile on gay.com by appending it to the URL "my.gay.com". So, if your nickname is "fake_boy", I can get to your profile at http://my.gay.com/fakeboy, and you can get to mine by using my nickname.

If you're not a premium gay.com member, you can't see adult pictures in profiles, but unless you're illiterate or an incredibly shallow fucking wanker, that's not the same thing as "I can't read your profile." If you say you can't read profiles, then you don't want to read profiles—either because you're too lazy and want other guys to repeat everything there for your convenience, or because you want to project the image of someone who can't manage technology (and therefore can't post pictures, send files, or other ways that masters might use to verify your obedience).

Either way, you're not worth talking to.

I'm willing to be convinced I'm wrong here, so drop me a line if you actually can't read gay.com profiles and let me know, but in years of chatting, I've never seen a convincing reason why it might be true, and most of the boys who said it easily proved to be fakes if I pursued it further.

I'm open to evidence against this position, but absent it, boys who say they "can't read profiles" are overwhelmingly fakes and liars. Sorry, boys, Your attempts to manipulate other guys online need some new tricks.