I must admit, I'm not taking the past few weeks as well as I'd hoped.
I'm irritable and distracted, and lonely at times when I'm not used to being lonely. Small things going wrong just set me off, and every day is a series of small things going wrong. Very few people are talking online, and while I am talking to a couple of potential new boys, I'm not expecting anything to materialize any time soon.
That's never bothered me before, as I've always seen the process of finding a boy to be long for a reason—to assure compatibility. But this last time, with the piggy boy, it took a long time and still didn't work. Maybe that's why I just don't have the stomach for thinking about starting again—it took him 15 months to make the trip here and it still didn't work out seven months later. The thought of that happening again makes me not want to start the process at all.
I don't recall it being this difficult before, but I also don't recall nearly everyone in my extended social circle being in some sort of transition at the same time. It's uncharted territory for me.
I don't like it much.
